i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Randomize
