The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
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Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
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He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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