dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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