I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
