didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
