Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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