it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
