New invention idea: vibrating tampons
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
