And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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