he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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