There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
