Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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