I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
