I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
