Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
