Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
