She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Randomize
