so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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