he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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