I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
