it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
