she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
