I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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