I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
