At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
