nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
