I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
