What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
