So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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