Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
