woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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