Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
