so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
