Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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