Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
