Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
There's always time for handjobs
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
