i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
