Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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