I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
