I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
