Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
