UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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