I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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