so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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