That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
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