captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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