I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
