This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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