I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i think my tv is drunk
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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