why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
