he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
