I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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