I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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