ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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