Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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