im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
He passed out mid-signature
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Randomize
