I just made out with a guy for $7.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
