I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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