So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
