Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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