So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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