If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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