my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I just threw up on my dentist
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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