JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize