hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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