did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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