pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
