Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
