can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Randomize
