Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
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Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
you made out with another girl for some wings
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
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