how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Two words: blizzard sex
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
