So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
