No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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