she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
