I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
