there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
