i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
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If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
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But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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